Because there are a few people really close to me who never ever - not ever - read my blog (MOM DAD VINNIE JENNIFER GLYNN) I was pleasantly surprised to read the following email last night: An idea for a column-- What kind of a new year's dog party would Cecilia have? How would Mena behave? I hear rumors you did not answer the phone the other day because I had already called you four times and you were watchig Six Feet Under shocked as I was by this rumor, I was even more shocked by the rumor that you made fun of our visits to williamsburg. And this fun appeared in your blog...mocking your sainted father. I will of course, now that I have learned how to retrieve your blog. begin to read it daily so I can defend myself. The dad

He figured out, apparently, how to get the censor on the link - the one he sees ever day - and view the web page. When I told him that that was all he needed to do - check out that same page, and that I updated it every day, he seemed to get pretty confused, but then got back on track, and asked, "Like even from old emails? It doesn't matter?" and I said, patiently, "Yeah. Yeah, always the same."

And now that I know he's reading, I think he'll be pleased to find I'm writing about important issues, like how The Cheesecake Factory is the demise of America. I just went with friends, enjoyed every bite, and decided to bring home a piece of cheesecake because I TOTALLY NEEDED A PIECE OF CHEESECAKE.

Here's the thing. I got these new sweatpants from Old Navy recently that completely fit me in a baggy-yet-almost-appropriate-to-wear-to-work-if-you're-not-gonna-see-anybody-way and their existence makes things like The Cheesecake Factory, which is exactly the reason Europeans make fun of us, so divulgent and glorious. Because of their forgiving nature.