Piggybacking off my last post, I’ve started thinking recently about various activities, and the way they make me feel; or, conversely, which activities and thoughts I tend to gravitate towards when I’m feeling a certain way. Open vs. closed. Fearless vs. timid. Or “growth mindset” vs. “fixed mindset,” terms I’m sure many of you are familiar with. I realize I don’t need to define these concepts for you, but I thought it would be fun to make a list. I’m not sure it’s going to make total sense, and these items are specific to me, but I think you’ll get the general picture.

What I know (and of course this is true) is that open feels so much better. And I’m working on residing in that space more often.

I was getting into my car after a work event the other day, and plugged in my phone to pick a podcast for the ride home. But I accidentally hit one of the recently played songs from my Spotify account, which was “Bourée” by Jethro Tull. J taught Gabe about this song because he’s playing the flute in the school band, and really enjoying it.

Gabe has been throwing it on every now and then, at random and very loud. I protest, I proclaim. “Not this! Not Jethro Tull! Not someone rocking on on the flute. PLEASE!” I’m not sure when these certainties materialized and settled in the deep recesses of my brain, but I have always known that I do not like these things.

But that afternoon in my car, I accidentally put on “Bourée” and I sat there as the heat kicked into gear, listening to the base and the flute run sneaky, subtle little circles around each other and I loved it. I loved that my flute-playing son had ratcheted it up to the top of my algorithm, catching me unaware. And as an invisible attitude shift clicked somewhere deep inside (annoyed to delighted) I thought, “What the hell? Where did I get the idea I don’t like Jethro Tull?!”

Fixed mindset:

Scrolling Instagram and actually watching the ads for anti-aging serums
Thinking that one thing (new clothes, a haircut) has anything to do with anything
“This keeps happening”
Storing the to-be-donated items in the back of the car for 6-8 months, then eventually moving them back into the house
Sending harried text messages
Waking up early and letting my thoughts spiral while thinking about how I could be on a walk
Checking my email as a means of distraction
Deciding to keep the dentist appointment that will be really difficult to make because I don’t want to be “that mom who always reschedules her kids’ appointments”
Plan-free Saturday mornings —> everybody asking me to make them lunch
Rapidly flipping through songs I already know on my phone in the car/on a run

Growth mindset:

Getting the lunch menu out of the school folder and putting it on the cork board
Composting
Buying plane tickets
Meditation
Going for a walk when I do “not have the time”
Taking the to-be-donated items to the donation site right away
Repotting a plant
Waking up early, making the coffee and reading nonfiction (even though we will be late)
Creating a semi-detailed plan for the week
Exploring ski lessons for Gabe, while fully, happily, accepting that I will not ski
Booking exercise classes
Eating well because it gives me energy
Classical music while I work
Writing; always
An afternoon espresso
WWKD
Scream-singing “Closer to Fine” in the car
Emptying my personal email boxes
Putting a load of laundry in the dryer
Walking the kids to school; seeing faces I know and love in my neighborhood
Listening to new music, not skipping any songs
Finally signing up for Goodreads
(Sorry, it’s true, I have to say it…) Looking at the stars