I was talking to a friend recently who made an excellent suggestion for this…I refuse to say “uncertain time” anymore, I can’t do it. For this time. Her suggestion was that I listen to some 90s music, which she’d been doing, and said it was exactly what she needed. Nineties music! The music of my teenage and early adult years. Music that I know every word to; that speaks to a period when I was figuring things out.

Just like I am now. Figuring things out, like how long does it take to get Aidy to sit down at the iPad and do a kindergarten assignment while I am also managing her urgent snack needs and answering a phone call, then getting a second cup of coffee before realizing that my child has disappeared to the basement to make “a party for all her dolls,” thus necessitating a re-commitment to the task at hand, which is writing one sentence using a sight word from the list her teacher sent. How long does that take? It takes the entire day.

Music, as I’ve mentioned before, is really important lately. It’s a mood lifter, an alternative to the seemingly unchanging news headlines and a reminder that I was once a person who played the song “The World Has Turned and Left Me Here” by Weezer like 20 times a day and felt like somebody finally got me. Weezer, on their epic blue album, got me. What do you know, they still do.

I feel like the below, a list of the songs currently on my running mix (which does include some 90s music as well as other callbacks from my past, current stuff and a few questionable choices which I can defend if confronted!) is a list of songs that someone would listen to if they were going through something, shall we say. And hey, maybe that’s true. I mean, we’re all, obviously, “going through something,” a phrase I feel more acutely at certain times than others. On this morning’s run, for instance, when “I Will Wait” by Mumford & Sons came on and I decided to run wildly across the fields near our house where Gabe used to play little league, back and forth and around fences, through the empty grass.

Then there’s Des’ree’s “You Gotta Be,” which is a song I’ve always loved, despite it not fitting into my personal music narrative, which has always leaned more alternative/less female power ballad. But, you guys, that song! “Herald what your mother said/Read the books your father read.” Eternally wise advice.

The other thing is that I met Des’ree once during my semester studying abroad in England. I was an intern, working in the department of a major newspaper that published a section aimed at children, and got to cover an awards ceremony she attended, interviewing her and other musicians and actors.

After it was over, I took the Tube home (London’s iconic public transportation system). I got out at my exit and realized suddenly - standing there on the platform - that I’d left my notebook with all those interviews on my seat. I panicked, jumped back onto the car, grabbed my notes and jumped back off again before the doors closed and it left the station.

I don’t know why, but when “You Gotta Be” came on during this morning’s run, that’s what I thought about, that minor, but crucial moment. And that - that quick act of acuity recalled all these years later…that, rather than the inspiring lyrics or the exercise-induced endorphins - is what reminded me that, yes, we’ll get through another day.

running mix/spring 2020

Hope the High road - Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit
Mildenhall - The Shins
Secret Meeting - The National
White Sky - Vampire Weekend
Come Down - Anderson .Paak
Juice - Lizzo
Mr. Wendal - Arrested Development
Freedom! ‘90 - George Michael
Heavy Things - Phish
Return to the Moon - El Vy
Rude - MAGIC!
Now We Can See - The Thermals
A Million Years - Alex Ebert
Don’t Carry It All - The Decemberists
Shine A Light - Wolf Parade
Read My Mind - The Killers
Surrender - Cheap Trick
Dance Yrself Clean - LCD Soundsystem
Everything Now - Arcade Fire
In A Little While - UF
Good as Hell - Lizzo
The System Only Dreams in Total Darkness - The National
Up All Night - Beck
Call It Dreaming - Iron & Wine
Sugar - Maroon 5
Beautiful Girl - INXS
Santa Monica - Everclear
The World Has Turned And Left Me Here - Weezer
O.P.P. - Naughty By Nature
Set Adrift on Memory Bliss - P.M. Dawn
Hey Ladies - Beastie Boys
Everything Hits At Once - Spoon
Common People - Pulp
Semi-Charmed Life - Third Eye Blind
Can I Kick It? - A Tribe Called Quest
You Gotta Be - Des’ree
Walk On The Ocean - Toad The Wet Sprocket
Interstate Love Song - Stone Temple Pilots
I Want It That Way - Backstreet Boys (IT’S A GOOD SONG)
You Get What You Give - New Radicals
Always Be My Baby - Mariah Carey
Say Something - James
Close to Me - The Cure
Stuck IN A Moment You Can’t Get Out Of - U2
(Song for My) Sugar Spun Sister - The Stone Roses
Africa - TOTO
The Twist - Frightened Rabbit
Teenage Wristband - The Twilight Singers
Sweet Marie - Crooked Fingers
Empire State Of Mind - Jay Z, Alicia Keys
Water Fountain - Tune-Yards
I Will Wait - Mumford & Sons