A while back I decided it might be prudent to get a new car, replacing my 2003 Hyundai Elantra that has a tape deck. I went through all the reasoning associated with making such a purchase, like that it would be great to have a car with better safety features, and that I might like to get a bigger car like a wagon, especially because then I could take the dogs places, instead of having my 75-pound pit bull mix basically sit half-on my daughter while we drive, and that I'd like to get something reliable that I could drive for years and years.

But people, let's be honest, I really just want a car that offers something better than a tape deck.

Thus began the car searching that has, I'm going to admit to you right now, reached a state of obsession on my part. I've driven a lot of cars over the years. There was my dad's Toyota Tercel that I totaled when I was 16. Then there was the beloved used Honda Accord I drove after that and throughout college until it died in a grocery store parking lot in North Carolina. I traded it in for my Honda Civic, which was fantastic, until I crashed it into a car trying to make a left right in front of me on a two-lane highway (not my fault, for the record, lest you all fear getting in the car with me ever again). No one was hurt, thank God, but the car - just on the brink of being scrapped - was never the same again. Then we traded that in and J and I shared the Prius, until we came up here to New Haven and I decided it wasn't practical to have one car, and because it was very cheap and right in front of me, I bought the Hyundai.

I haven't had the greatest luck. The two Hondas were also both broken into. My mom backed into the Hyundai one day when we were sitting in the driveway. Just right on into it. I never got the body work done to fix it because I kinda didn't care. Because when your car has a tape deck and tinted windows, you're kinda like, "Weeeeeeellll whatever."

So all these things are playing into this decision and it's all making me a little crazy. Like, I have to love this new car, whatever it is. LOVE IT. There are also a few musts:

1. The car must be stick shift. 2. The car must not be silver. 3. The car must have something better than a tape deck. 4. The car must have power locks. 5. Cecilia must be able to comfortably lounge in the back.

So far I've test-driven a Subaru Outback, liked it a lot, then proceeded to fret about whether or not buying one would feed into the American Adoration Of All Things That Are Big. I've always had smaller cars. I got all nervous. I looked at a VW Jetta wagon, too. They're nice looking but I don't know about reliability. I've checked out all the stats on the Toyota Matrix. Then J said that if I was looking at Toyotas I might as well look at another Prius and I was like, I don't want a Prius, I want something different, and he was like, what DO you want, which brings me to the current state of indecision.

So for now, I'm soldiering on with the Hyundai. If you listen hard, you can hear me. Because when I drive, the front half of the car rattles like the wheels are gonna fall off. Which is just another thing I'll remember about it, adding more stories to the history of vehicles in the life of one Cara McDonough. Hopefully the story takes a new turn very soon.