Listen up Matt B. - if you think by starting a blog you've come anywhere close to approaching the level of my supreme awesomeness, well, you might just have another think coming. 1)I have a dedicated audience of, oh, say...nine or so daily readers who will kick your ass with their devotion and comment-leaving capabilities. (SECRET NOTE TO NINE OR SO DAILY READERS: LEAVE COMMENTS THAT DISPLAY YOUR WIT AS WELL AS YOUR LOYALTY TO ME! FORCE MY DAILY PONDERINGS UPON FRIENDS AND STRANGERS! I'VE GOT TO WIN, HERE!)

2)If you didn't want the world to know about that time you draped a blanket around your shoulders and sang "Today" by Jefferson Airplane, practically with tears in your eyes, when we were all drunk after a formal dance in high school, well Matt, maybe you shouldn't have started a blog and invoked my competitive nature.

3)I could write an elegy to Max Bobbitt that would kick your elegy's ass.

4)My friend Tom said that this is the "Best blog ever." You know what that means, huh? Yours? Not the best blog ever.

5)I've become friends with a bunch of your college friends. I think they like me (more than you).

6)Ohio vs. North Carolina? Close call. But NC wins it by a nose solely based on the sunny day to cloudy day ratio in both locales. Southern pride, baby. Y'all hear?

7)Even though I love you and you have always been one of my best friends, I've got no problems making fun of you on the internet.