I was just editing one of the millions of magnificently constructed cover letters I'll be sending out over the next couple days in the hopes of convincing Connecticut that, yes, I'm a really good bet, when the spellcheck feature on my Yahoo email account alerted me to the fact that the "caramcdonough" in my email address was not a recognized English word and suggested I change it to "crackdown." I was about to press the "ignore" button and laugh it off as another amusing computer anecdote when I thought it might be even better and funnier if I just went ahead and gave myself a new name like "Crackdown," and how there is no way anyone in their right minds would refuse someone with such a name because, hey, they have GOT to be curious about somebody like that...

"Cara, will you look at that guy? What's he doing? Watering the tree?" "Yeah, Mom said that because of the drought she wants to make sure..."

"Unbelievable! We're spending God knows how much money to have 'tree experts' come to the house every other day, and put down mulch, and sing to the plants, and God knows what else, and..."

"But Dad. How much did you spend on that painting you saw in the gallery down town the other day?"

(Brief silence.)

"But that's art. That painting - that painting is going to appreciate. Look at that tree. Is that tree going to fucking APPRECIATE?"

Maybe all I need is more edge

The retirement years, a foreshadowing