The most candy-filled of all holidays

HALLOWEEN! Today, while buying many, many bags of candy at the local CVS, the woman checking me out asked if we got lots of trick or treaters in our neighborhood. "Um, yeah," I told her. Because, you know, we do. We get a fair amount. But also, I mean, the people giving out the candy might want some, right? So it's good to have extra. And it's important for all the candy to be good candy and not crap, like Wintogreen Lifesavers or something. And I really hope these neighborhood kids don't take all the Reese's Peanut Butter Cups in the first ten minutes although I know they are TOTALLY going to. It's cool, though. Truth be told, I've already had my fair share and the sun isn't even down yet. Enough to make my stomach feel a little weird. That, however, is the point. If sitting at home giving yourself diabetes isn't the best way to celebrate Halloween, I don't know what is.

I thought he wanted to save money, but it turns out he's finally reading that heartwarming bestseller

"What do you think about cancelling our cable?" "Totally getting rid of it? Yeah. We could do that."

"You think?"

"Yeah! We did it before. And we could still get some stations with the rabbit ears, right? Like, we could still watch CSI...It would save us so much money."

"Well, yeah, and Morrie says you should not watch so much TV and spend more time with loved ones."

"Maury? What? Maury Povich?"

"No. Ah, Morrie... 'Tuesdays With Morrie.'"

"Oh my God."