I am both proud and not proud to admit that I have a MySpace account. I could pause here and try justify MySpace by saying it’s a good “networking tool” and all that, but basically, it’s a nice distraction. A good way to waste time, or stalk people or what have you. And, I mean, that’s ok.

I’ve noticed that people post a lot of these online surveys on MySpace. You know, so you can read what their favorite kind of salad dressing is, or who they last talked to on the phone, or what they’d like to have for dinner. I never fill these out and repost them because then people would KNOW I was wasting time. Wasting time is ok if you’re employed and you need a break, but if you’re semi-employed like me and any free time should really be spent researching the job market, then you have no business filling out surveys about your personal likes and dislikes.

But since I view this blog as a very important part of my life - a place where I can practice my craft (I mean, you cannot argue with someone practicing “their craft”), I figured that filling out one of these surveys, sure, might be sort of viewed as a waste of time, but since I’m doing it on my blog, thus practicing my craft - honing my skills as a professional writer if you will - then, really, what I’m doing is probably a big career boost.

That being said, I picked this survey called “My-ology” to fill out, because of the wacky title.

MY-OLOGY

MOUTHOLOGY

What is your salad dressing of choice?
See! I knew they’d ask this question. Blue Cheese, which coincidentally has the most fat of any food on Earth, I think.

What is your favorite fast food restaurant?
Chick-fil-A (but really, Taco Bell)

What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
Too many to name but I like Lantern here in Chapel Hill.

On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant?
20%

What food could you eat every day and not get sick of it?
Avocados. Sushi. CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM. DORITOS!

What are your pizza toppings of choice?
Mushrooms, black olives

What do you like to put on your toast?
Orange marmalade

What is your favorite type of gum?
Honestly? Who cares, but I mean, if I must, I like Orbit.

TECHNOLOGY

Number of contacts in your cell phone?
If there is a way to count this without physically going through each listing I don’t know it and there is no way in hell I’m doing that.

Number of contacts in your email address book?
12 billion? 50 gagillion? I know plenty of people.

What is your wallpaper on your computer?
The Bay at sunrise, taken by my husband who for some crazy reason woke up at that hour.

How many televisions are in your house?
Two

Do you use a laptop or desktop?
Both

BIOLOGY

Are you right-handed or left-handed?
Right-handed

Do you like your smile?
WHAT?! Do I “like my smile”??? What kind of survey is this???

What’s your best feature?
My teeth are pretty goddamn white.

Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
Wisdom teeth and I took out my bellybutton ring a few years ago which felt like part of my body after so long. There is also this piece of graphite stuck in my leg from when I unintentionally stabbed myself with a pencil in fifth grade. J says he’s going to remove it one day, which worries me.

Which of your five senses do you think is keenest?
I think I’m pretty good at hearing things.

When was the last time you had a cavity?
I had like a billion when I was little. Despite being white, my teeth have been fairly problematic even though I do everything right. Because we live in an unjust society.

What is the heaviest item you lifted last?
Cecilia

Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
No

BULLCRAPOLOGY (Bullcrapology!!!)

If you could, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
I can’t even imagine how neurotic I would become. Definitely no.

If you could change your first name, what would you change it to?
I wouldn’t.

What color do you think looks best on you?
Lilac. Green. And…naked.

Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake?
Sure

Have you ever saved someone’s life?
Every second of every day

Has someone ever saved yours?
Jesus Christ the questions are getting a little heavy…

DAREOLOGY

Would you walk naked down a public street for $100,000?
Done!

Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100?
Yup. Or…ahem, for free, whatever…

Would you cut off one of your little fingers for $200,000?
No way.

Would you never blog again for $50,000?
No.

Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000?
Yeah but there would need to be some strong drinks involved.

Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
I don’t know. Maybe. I’m sick of this.

Would you give up watching television for a year for $25,000?
Yup.

DUMBOLOGY

What is in your left pocket?
Nothing. Wouldn’t fit. My pants feel tight!

Is Napoleon Dynamite actually a good movie?
What do you mean, “actually?” Of course it’s a good movie.

Do you have hardwood or carpet in your house?
Lovely tan, stained carpet.

Do you sit or stand in the shower?
Seriously? Are there people in this country sitting in the shower?

Could you live with roommates?
Yes.

How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
Four, and I think they should be incorporated in the “business casual” form of dress so popular in many offices…

Where were you born?
Washington D.C.

Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
They came over to our house when we had a very small get together recently because we were being “loud.”

What do you want to be when you grow up?
Good at something.

LASTOLOGY

Friend you talked to?
Carissa

Last person you called?
My father

Person you hugged?
My husband who is very handsome!

FAVORITOLOGY

Number?
8

Color?
Blue

Season?
Fall

CURRENTOLOGY

Missing someone?
Not really. Is that ok?

Mood?
Impatient. How many more questions?

Listening to?
Coffee shop noises, like the espresso grinder.

Watching?
Just the computer screen. One thing at a time, guys.

Worrying about?
My work ethic.

RANDOMOLOGY

First place you went this morning?
To let the dogs out back.

What can you not wait to do?
See J graduate.

What’s the last movie you saw?
“The Baxter” with Michael Showalter. I’m not sure what he was going for in that film, but I still love him.

Do you smile often?
Yeah I do!

Are you a friendly person?
Damn straight!

Now that the survey is done what are you going to do?
Reassess my priorities.