Tue 19 Apr 2005
I’m having - or perhaps more accurately - would like to have a sort of “Reality Bites” period. You know, the part where Wynona Ryder, whatever her name is in the movie, gets all depressed because her documentary filmmaker career is going nowhere and she’s been getting in a bunch of fights with her soulmate Ethan Hawke, who she doesn’t know is her soulmate yet. She proceeds to sit on the sofa and watch bad television and eat things like Cheetos and talk on the phone with psychic advisors, which turns out badly because she racks up hundreds of dollars of phone bills, and then I think Janeane Garofalo is the one who sort of kicks her in the ass by saying something like “Hey sister, you’ve got to stop with this. And also pay these phone bills.” So she pumps people’s gas for them, they pay her, and she pays with the gas card her dad gave her for graduation. Things start to fall into place and finally - FINALLY - Ethan Hawke tells her he loves her, basically, and after a few more complicated situations they get together.
There are some reasons for, and problems with, my wanting this scenario for myself. To put the reason simply, I feel stuck. Twenty-seven is killer. I should be embarking on something, right?
And the major problem? I’ve got no Ethan Hawke figure. J and I sorted out our own movie-worthy love story over three years ago and are now getting married. So unlike the end of “Reality Bites,” the love story can’t be the thing to get me out of my mire.
Ok. When I really get down to it the hunkering down on the coach - although indulgently selfish and movie-like - would probably just make me feel fat. And rather than catapult me into a forward march towards semi-stardom, I’m guessing I’d only lose my current job and come away with less business ideas, money making plans, and goals than I have now. Really, with the deposit on a new rental house plus paying current rent, my first goal is simple. Pay the phone bill. Pay any bill. I don’t have Janeane Garofalo but I’ve got warm weather and everyone’s talking about margaritas, and hey, you’ve got to have money for those.
So cancel the “Reality Bites” idea, I guess. I’m way over the just out of college timeframe. When Jennifer and I saw that movie in high school I thought it was the coolest movie I’d ever seen with “All I want is You” by U2 in the background while Ethan and Wynona contemplated post-college cigarette-laden sexual bliss. I mean, who would take care of the dogs if I just lay there. They’d poop all over the place! No, nevermind all that. I think I just might need to make a to do list. Yeah, that usually gets me by.